I have never been a concise speaker. Some people talk with a careful economy of words and I envy them. I, on the other hand, use my words in bulk. I try to mask this unwieldy abundance by fitting them into very small spaces. So it is that when I speak in person I only obscure my point further by speaking faster than an auctioneer on a three-day meth binge. Add to this that as a child I required speech therapy for a stammer and a lisp and you’ll understand that I am not good at communicating in person.

I am also brighter than I am quick. I am the person who thinks of the right thing to say while I am loading the dishwasher after the company has left. Wit never strikes me when there are still people around to distract me from such vanity. Believe me I am that vain, wanting to be the center of attention and the life of the party. I want to be charming and memorable and in my quiet moments alone it really is all about me. I’m just surrounded by people so much more fascinating than myself, and besides I’ve already heard all my fool stories.

So if you know me in person you will find that I have nothing to say and that I spend a lot of words saying nothing. And then there is my writing. This blog is what happens when a thought gets stuck in my jaws, here is where I shake my ideas vigorously until the words fall out and I can let them go.

Most of the sticky thoughts need to be let go of so one can get on with their living and doing and spend less time thinking and feeling, well, at least less time thinking and feeling the same old tired loop. So sometimes I write about the things I cannot say and sometimes I write about the things I’m tired of saying.

I don’t have a topic. I wish I had such focus. One of my best friends writes a frugal living blog, many of my friends write homeschooling blogs. I think I would feel like a “real” blogger, as if blogging is somehow a legitimate vocation, if I had a topic. I just have rules. Before I post I need to know that what I’ve written is true. I edit out the hyperbole, and believe me the first drafts have plenty. I need to be fair. I would like to say that I am always kind, but I am not. I strip identity from anyone who might not be happy with what I’ve said about them to the best of my ability. I edit out anything that feels to me like it might be starting gossip. I try to focus on my own truth, even though I think other people’s stories are more interesting; mine is the one I have the right to tell.

Read at your own risk. I definitely swim deep in the waters of too much information. I just can’t bear to have my life go unsung. Much like when I’m speaking and I don’t dare pause for breath, I am writing my life with urgency. I have every reason to expect to live a long life, but I write as if there will be no tomorrow, as if this is my only chance to say it.

As to my bio, I am a housewife, a homeschooler, a once and future careprovider, stuff like that. That’s not the stuff that I feel compelled to communicate though. I’m trying to write from beneath that surface, is all. That’s all this is, an attempt to communicate, ’cause I’m not good at doing that in person.

{ 1 comment… read it below or add one }

1 Susan January 21, 2013 at 2:52 am

For someone who isn’t good at communicating (in person you say) you sure have a way with words!

This is amazing.

I love this, “This blog is what happens when a thought gets stuck in my jaws, here is where I shake my ideas vigorously until the words fall out and I can let them go.”

And as far as a topic and rules – I myself and kind of all over (although parenting, homeschooling are on my radar, but I certainly don’t restrict myself!) I like your rules.

I’m going to look around some more now. Nice to meet you 😉


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