Post image for Poem- Starting Over

Poem- Starting Over

by Crystal Torres on September 28, 2017

Maybe I was a whore in Babylon
once upon another life
It was with different lips
that I fell in love
with language
and with kisses
In this life, though
I still count my first kiss
in the back of an old Ford pickup
with a teenaged boy
who wouldn’t look me in the eye afterwards
That night I scattered my kisses over him
like runes
like bones
trying to divine
what my future would hold
So this is kissing
is lust
This is fun
Maybe I was kissed a lot
before I settled
but that was a lifetime ago
I was married in the same church I was baptized in
Now, during my divorce
I begin to see that there will be an afterlife
I am reincarnating myself
Maybe that is why little things
like first kisses
excite me,
terrify me
mean too much to me
all over again

Whenever I think about the afterlife, I always hope the Buddhists are right. I could really use a do-over. Sometimes, I realize it doesn’t matter if they’re right. My divorce has been a do-over. I have started over and it has been good, bad and ugly, but mostly just very hard, and also, a blessing. Every day is a do-over. Like, that person that I want to be in my next life, I can kinda start being that person now. I mean, what if I stop holding everything from Before against myself and just go forward to where I want to be? It’s a slightly terrifying thought, but also a grand adventure. There’s something to be said for being absolute beginners, for approaching things with beginner’s mind. Of all my foolishnesses, I think I mind this one the least. That’s all.


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