I Could Not Die
I remember depression
My plan that could not fail
Clean syringe in shaking hand
A whiter shade of pale
I did not shake with fear
As I hoped to burst my heart
I shook with unstoppable laughter
And my plan soon fell apart
I could not stop the laughter
I could not frown or cry
I could not do a thing that day
And I knew I could not die
I remember hating
My childlike innocent hand
As useless as it was
I couldnt understand
Why I sat outside my class
Why I sat and cried
Tearing at my defiant flesh
My useless fingers pried
I could not change my life
I could not more than try
I could not open empty veins
And I knew I could not die
I remember Monday
Barefoot broken glass
No matter what I told myself
I could not just walk past
I stopped to claim a shard
For what I can not do
Thrice I pricked my finger
And saw the blood flow through
I could not kill with glass
I could not pass it by
I could not sew my death
And I knew I could not die
I remember now
And my writing hand
The red line and swollen vein
That I can not understand
Three tries to take my life
Not worth all the pain
My left hand wants to kill me
My right must want the same
I could not want to live
I could not answer why
I could not live my life
And I knew I could not die
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